vital expressions from a heavily fatigued, dope stained mind

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weedguru_animal
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vital expressions from a heavily fatigued, dope stained mind

Post by weedguru_animal » Mon Sep 26, 2011 1:48 pm

I have so many beginnings of wonderful lines to write, but something is stopping me. The brightest light of suspicion falls upon a lack of connected enough loved ones, with whom to share my vital expressions of pure feeling and frantic thought. After beginning to wade into Steppenwolfe, I began, all too quickly to relate to the main character, mainly in terms of his sensation/conclusion of a natural distance between whatever he perceives himself to be, and the others which look like they are of the same species. Connected enough, in my diction, means - people i can lock eyes and hearts with often. I have moved around like a flea on a hot tin roof, since infancy. Even deep into adolescence, with a secondary school set of shackles around my feett for 8 years, as soon as the opportunity to flee arose, even as a brief idea, i grabbed it and moved on, not based on some long held yearning to move on, but seemingly, just because it felt normal. Since moving to Manchester, 12 years ago, I have not remained even in the same country, for more than 3 years at a time, let alone houses and towns...Infancy sets up so many blueprints, which if not noticed and very seriously scrutinized for value and reason, remain...somehow natural and easy, long into adulthood. I am coming up to the 3 year mark for this city and country. Houses have been moved four times in that period. A female who came here with me has long since left. I have embraced, or allowed myself to degenerate into, a creature who chases extremes of emotion and sensation...
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Re: vital expressions from a heavily fatigued, dope stained mind

Post by SpRi7e » Tue Sep 27, 2011 9:03 pm

It seems as if your stories are directly empathetic with you, as everything you may write is some deeper hidden feeling/emotion that you have or have had. It also seems as though you are writing much of this stuff to show yourself, show your current emotion, and/or almost cry out to those people on what is going in your head by writing and poetry and not being able to do so in person.

If I am correct, or somewhat correct about this statement, try to write, not for someone else as you previously stated, but write for yourself. Write your art to look at it and feel good about yourself and what you accomplished, not what other people think about it. I do somewhat understand what you mean by not having someone extremely close to you, so you can't enjoy it as much because there is no one else that understands that deepness and gives a good response. It doens't mean as much if it's not critiqued by people who truly care about you. As I said though, a good way to get past this writers cockblock, is to do it purely for yourself and your own entertainment. Maybe even taking a tiny break and do some new things, get your mind off of it and let that new self enjoyment help you with your writing as you might be in a better more creative mindset.
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Re: vital expressions from a heavily fatigued, dope stained mind

Post by weedguru_animal » Fri Sep 30, 2011 11:45 am

Well written, mate...but you have made a mistake, to even ponder, let alone assume as a foundation to use for something solid to focus upon and respond to accordingly, that I ever write for others appreciation or benefit, other than when I am attempting to write myself into a nubile nymph's nether region succulence...
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Re: vital expressions from a heavily fatigued, dope stained mind

Post by Ikku » Fri Sep 30, 2011 10:56 pm

My interpretation then is not that you are saying you need people to write for, but you need closer friends/lovers in your life to serve as inspiration, but because you are not firmly anchored anywhere for very long you aren't establishing these relationships? You do at least have your canine companion, a relationship I long to have but it would be cruel of me to adopt in my current living quarters.
I personally recommend checking oneself for OCD at least once every 5 minutes.

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Re: vital expressions from a heavily fatigued, dope stained mind

Post by weedguru_animal » Thu Oct 06, 2011 9:29 am

that is more like it, mate...i am lacking special creatures close enough to me here in melbourne, to engage and feel connected to, on a regular basis...and it endears you to me, that whilst you wish to have a canine connection, one of the strongest avialable, you are responsible enough to wait until you are more suitably settled for such a situation, i doff my virtual hat respectfully...
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Re: vital expressions from a heavily fatigued, dope stained mind

Post by SpRi7e » Thu Oct 06, 2011 6:51 pm

hmmm, was almost positive I wrote something just like that in there with my original post... glad you found the answer to it though (Y)

I was a little drunk so I must have just dreamed it or something then :rofl:

That's right, I dream about weedguru.. SO WHAT?!?!
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Re: vital expressions from a heavily fatigued, dope stained mind

Post by weedguru_animal » Wed Oct 26, 2011 12:45 pm

Jess and I go back a long way...She is already familiar with my wierdness, and seems not just okay with it, but often, to enjoy it. Ever since the first time we met, and she made the fatal mistake of asking me 'hows it going' and I responded...something along the lines of...
'well...a close mate from the motherland has moved in. the fucker turned up with 20 gold nuggets in his pocket and a big goofy smile on his face...now this man can kill...has killed...for a living...so i must be careful with him...know what i mean???...perhaps not, but nevermind...back to the story...he is driving me fucking insane...not one moment of peace he affords me...constant singing...constant impressions of characters from TV series which i find atrocious...i meet his attempts at humour, with a straight face, turning away, only when i am sure he has noted my lack of joy at his efforts to colour the air pretty...i am fond of him, but truly, i need this vodka, which i do not see as an admission of a serious drinking problem, moreover, its a gesture of kindness on my part for if i remain stone sober under such a constant barrage of bothersome efforts to...to...i dont know his aim...but sober, i will be harsh...drunk, i can perhaps at least fall over, then pass out whilst laughing at myself...'
her only response was...'do you want a receipt'. Clearly, I was IN.
'well...nice talking to you...enjoy your night, my dear'
yes...i felt it instantly and strongly. our soul roots are clearly entangled under the topsoil...
this evening she seemed actually keen to know me more, despite my serious apology for addressing her with such a rude tone...she reacted to my story with glee...
'i am in a foul mood, jess...no use for anyone wishing for an easy ride'
'so why are you foul???'
'fucking Musos...fucking musos...i will end them all'
'ahhhh...a woman! do you want big jess to beat them up for you?'
now frowning...'well...i had not yet considered it...but fuck it...why the hell not...you meet anyone who calls themselves a muso, gouge out their eyes, do me proud...enjoy your evening'....
she laughed, smiled her pretty eyes at me, i thought of stripping, showing her that i mean business...but decided against it...
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