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Post by weedguru_animal » Fri Sep 03, 2010 2:02 pm

The importance of role models can never be underestimated, nor taken for granted. Because without a guide, or three, where do we find inspiration to grow, to develop, to mature???? How do we know how to be, what do we aspire towards becoming???

I have been immensely fortunate, in terms of the wise men whose love I have found. In terms of Men whose heart, soul and spirit are so staggeringly special to me that whenever they speak...I listen. And I learn.

This is one of the advantages of my dangerous determination towards total self expression, which is only altered, subdued, avoided, when I ponder that my life is at stake. Other than that...I have now, as I have always had, a steady penchant for brutal openness with my emotions. I wish I could say the same of my much valued intellect. But I can't. Because Feelings are Everything to me. NOT intellect.

The most intellectually capable man I know, is also extremely selfish emotionally, and as the years have worn on, our frattelity has been compromised. Leading to the Now, of me cutting ties with him...not happily, but out of a realization that ALL of the most important people to me, in my Now, whether close by or 12000 miles away, are so fucking beautifully pure towards me and everyone else they love, in their hearts and souls. Regardless of my mind, they respect greatly my feelings, as I do theirs...And fully aside from intellectual pondering, this respect for the feelings of another, is the truest base of any love. Without it, there can be nothing of real value.

My father was a cunt to me, to my sister, and most grieviously, to my mother...It was HIS job to be my role model, but instead, he chose to be a cunt. But as mentioned already, I have been be blessed with a procession of daniel loving sages, who have all appeared in my life, when I was found at my lowest, most broken, and they have all, individually lifted me back into a situation where I can find contentfulness. Through listening, through ranting at me through angry tears, through wisdom, through love, through charity...Truly, I have been blessed.

And I can extend this role model routine further than the three men I originally had in mind when I began this note...Mario, Darren and John the Baptist. I can extend this to...Grant, to Wallsy, to Maz, to Stevie...for they have all played their part in diving deep below the surface, and dragging me back above the waterline, refusing to let me sink, as much as even my own mother. And I am grateful to them all...for their efforts, for their tolerance, for their love for me. Its more highly valued than they all realize, than I show them...

Without these people in my life, I would have sunk, without a trace. Of that, there can be no doubt.

Everyone needs an example of How To Be. And I have had plenty...Which makes me ponder that there is indeed, an underlord of the damned hobos, watching out for me, sending these special folks into my embrace. But only the most wise appear, those in the most suitable position to cure me of my trauma, when I am close to expiring...But I guess it has to be this way. For the nature of life is to suffer. So if any help is going to come, it will come when all seems lost, NOT when a man simply gets down on himself. For how else, is a man to grow stronger, and to grow in general???? If he is not continually crushed, threatened, destroyed...but then offered a reprieve, whilst walking up the steps of a the gallows of his own conjuring...

I've never sought anything but love, intensity, and adventure...and I have done so, and continue to do so, with savage zeal, since I first began to become aware of what I was. I haven't needed a shepherd, for I loathe humans who resemble sheep, but I most definitely have, found myself in desperate need of advice, of a man to look deep into me, note my value, then help me to help myself. Without these characters, I would be far less of the man I am today.

Yes, there are harrowing dangers from maintaining an insanely open heart. Because this world is overflowing with human vermin, with scum who will see anyone willing to place their trust in another, as an easy mark...But if you are lucky, this approach, bears not only rotten fruit, but also gorgeous tomatoes worthy of the garden of eden itself.

So Mario, Grant, John, Wallsy, Maz, Stevie, and of course my dearest mama, I love you fucking much...You ALL, in your own weird and warped ways, give me reason to continue, reason to look at my own life to compare myself to you, and so much happiness, to be...simply...part of you, and you all, part of me.


For sticking beligerently by my side, while I have courted disaster after disaster, while I have reacted to your love with childish bullshit, while I have gone against your advice, then run back into your arms crying...

Without you, I would be so much less than I am...


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Re: ThankYOU...

Post by WeedGuru_Flow » Fri Sep 03, 2010 3:01 pm

Beautiful, as always Dan, especially the part about human vermin.
Computer games don't affect kids. I mean, if Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we would all be running around darkened rooms, munching magic pills, and listening to repetitive electronic music.

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Re: ThankYOU...

Post by flagg » Sat Sep 04, 2010 1:33 pm

Said with feeling .. lovely

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Re: ThankYOU...

Post by Weedguru_Fire_Inside » Wed Jan 05, 2011 9:06 pm

Death is the only certainty. EVERYTHING else is variable.

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