She says drugs and alcohol are more important than her

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She says drugs and alcohol are more important than her

Post by Gorecore » Fri Feb 03, 2012 12:33 am

I've been having this arguement with my girlfriend for awhile now. She says that I haven't been sober for a single weekend in the year we have been dating. I do my best to look back on this and she's fairly accurate. But the way she says it makes it sound like I'm rip roaring drunk or high the entire weekend we are together from 5 pm on Friday until bedtime on Sunday. And this is just not the case. There have been many periods where we have gone out for a night on the town and I've stayed sober. We've gone shopping. We've gone on many different dates with different activities. All of those times I was sober...unless it was a house party and I didn't have to drive.

I think she's on the brink of calling it quits with us...and in some ways I really don't care because I feel she's the one losing out by being overly dramatic. She pins me as someone who spends every waking minute of every weekend drunk or high, and that's just not true. We've had a few weekends where I've been quite drunk at night on Friday and Saturday. Some weekends it's just one night I get drunk/high. Some weekends, I just get a buzz...a completely controlled buzz.

She's making me second guess myself when she says that drugs and liquor are more important to me in my life than she is. Maybe she's right. Maybe I do have a little problem. All week I stay clean and sober (maybe the odd pipe blast or two, but no liquor). What is the harm in letting loose on the weekend?

All of this comes up because I told her I was thinking about not coming over to spend this weekend with her. I've spent every single weekend with her (and a night or two during the week) since last Feb. I really wanted to have a Saturday night with my best male friend and tie one on. She has made plans to go out with her friends this Friday night, Saturday afternoon, and she's going to work for 6 hours on Sunday. So I said, "Why should I come over if I'm going to be alone in your house when I can have the comforts of my own home? It's just for this weekend." Her response was, "You just want to get drunk with your friend." I don't see anything wrong with that. I'm starting to feel a little suffocated.
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Re: She says drugs and alcohol are more important than her

Post by sugarstalker » Fri Feb 03, 2012 12:44 am

birches man.... fuckin' bitches.

I don't know dude. seems to me that you're most definitly in the right for wanting one weekend for yourself, especially since she's planning on having a night out herself.
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Re: She says drugs and alcohol are more important than her

Post by Gorecore » Fri Feb 03, 2012 12:49 am

I just let my fingers fly for a few minutes and sent her this note on FB. Tell me if what I said was out of line...and what your thoughts are.

"I just don't see the big deal. We've spent nearly every weekend together (and at least one weeknight) for the past year and when I ask to have a weekend to myself to spend with a friend for one night, and spend the rest at home doing some gaming or whatever, you get upset. I see you're not going out Friday night, so yes, that changes things a little when I said you weren't going to be around much.

I just don't like the fact that you're telling me that I've been drunk/high every single weekend we've been together. I do recall many nights you being quite drunk on wine/beer and I barely had a buzz...this goes back to the early days of our relationship. Are you forgetting all the good times we've had sober? Going out for dinner? Visiting Todd and Paul. Going shopping. Playing mini golf. Car shopping. And just being together in general.

I feel it's unfair of you to accuse me of being drunk all weekend, every weekend when that's just not true. There have been plenty of weekends where I was slightly drunk/buzzed on just a Friday night or a Saturday night and I was completely sober the rest of the time.

I can't help it if I feel that life is more or less shit and I like to have a few drinks or puffs to help me forget about all the crap in the world. Of course, I don't mean us, Kylee, friends and family. All of that stuff is great. I do mean things like bills, low wages, feeling no purpose in life, and sometimes, just straight up boredom.

Maybe I'm not the right guy for you. I do love you and that is a solid fact. You probably scoff and think to yourself, "Yeah right, if you loved me then why do you drink/get high/run away?" That's me retreating within myself to escape the harsh realities of life.

There are a hell of a lot worse men in this world who physically and mentally abuse their spouses and children. Men who cheat sexually. Men who gamble. Men who abuse heroin, cocaine, meth, crack, prescription pills. I am not one of those men, nor will I ever be one of those men.

I don't know what else to say. I am who I am. Take me or leave me. It's your choice. You know in your heart that I am a good person. You just don't like who I am when I drink. And I can't really understand that? I don't beat you, berate you, destroy your property. I have a few drinks, a few laughs, a few tears sometimes, and make a bit of a fool of myself. I'm only hurting myself doing this by abusing my body. That's how I feel."
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Re: She says drugs and alcohol are more important than her

Post by sugarstalker » Fri Feb 03, 2012 1:18 am

that's deep man. heartfelt and honest. I really hope it works out, because from what I've read earlier, you're really into this chick. she'll wisen up.
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Re: She says drugs and alcohol are more important than her

Post by Gorecore » Fri Feb 03, 2012 1:26 am

Thanks stalker. I'm just being as honest as possible with her. Yes. I do like to drink. Yes. I do like to smoke weed. But that's it. And I don't do either one to excess...especially weed. I've gone from smoking an ounce or more a month to 5 grams in a month, or slightly longer. I'm a hard working man who pays his bills on time, pays his child support on time, is good to his family and friends. So what if I drink 10 beer on a Friday night and get goofy? So what if I smoke a few bowls and get quiet while watching a movie?

I wish I had a completely impartial judge observing us without us knowing it to see who is more in the wrong. Me and my drinking/toking. Or her drinking along with me (though not as much) and feeling as though I'm not a good boyfriend to her.

And I'm not a leech, either. I can't tell you how many times I've bought her gas for her car and groceries for her house...not to mention gifts and flowers. I've held her while she was upset. I've made love to her tenderly and a little roughly when the mood called for it. I feel I've been a pretty awesome boyfriend. Just a boyfriend who retreats from life with a few beer or tokes. Personally, I can't understand her feelings.
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Re: She says drugs and alcohol are more important than her

Post by Gorecore » Fri Feb 03, 2012 1:30 am

Also, I sent her that message nearly an hour ago. Usually when I message her, she writes back within minutes. So she's either thinking long and hard about what I said...or she's writing a book back as a reply...or she's laying on her bed crying her eyes out. I'm hoping it's the first reason...and especially NOT the 3rd reason. I hate seeing her cry. It makes me want to cry.
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Re: She says drugs and alcohol are more important than her

Post by SToNeR ChRiS » Fri Feb 03, 2012 5:40 am

There are rough patches in every relationship. It's hard to tell what's going on because you haven't really shown us exactly what she said.

She could be saying those things for a variety of reasons though. You say all you're doing is damaging your own body but maybe she doesn't want you to be. Like a mother wants her kids to be healthy, a good girlfriend should want the best for their partner as well. I'm not saying I'm right and this is the reason she said what she did but relationships are a confusing thing and it's easy to read too deeply into things when you're caught up in it all. You never really know what's going on in the other person's mind.

If she is just looking out for your well being or even jealous about you going out with a friend instead of spending time with her then that's no reason to end a relationship.... And more importantly there's no real judgement of you as a person in such scenarios.

Take some time to let the heat of the moment subside before you make any extreme comments. I think you're doing a good job by being honest with her and I'm sure things will work out.
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I just thought about that, while I sit here ashing in this ashtray...

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Re: She says drugs and alcohol are more important than her

Post by Ikku » Fri Feb 03, 2012 9:25 am

I quit smoking cigarettes because my girlfriend didn't like them, and I liked her more than cigarettes. I stopped smoking as much weed because she almost never smokes and I don't like being the lone high guy. I wish I had taken it easy with alcohol around her, but she drinks plenty although not as much as me, and I end up making myself look like a jerk when I drink sometimes. I'm still drinking occasionally now (trying to quit but it's hard not to have a social drink on the weekend). But I want to give it up as an improvement to my life. I'm doing it for me first and her second. But she is definitely a major influence.

If this is really an issue with your girlfriend, I don't think the big long facebook message rationalizing your drinking is going to score you any points. She cares about you and doesn't like what drinking does to you for some reason or another. You can call it getting a buzz or acting goofy or whatever, but people aren't the same when they are drunk. She also might not like what it does to you physically. There was a period when I was drinking way too much, and it led to low energy (and poorer sexual performance) and waaaay too much weight gain. These are just reflections of the damage it is actually doing to you.

I don't mean to come off as Dr. Buzzkill. As someone who is currently going through some serious rough shit with my (she wants to be ex)gf, I am just trying to help you out. The whole getting pissy about the night out with your buddy is definitely trivial. But it reflects some bigger issue she has a problem with. Chances are a lot of little things have just added up, and she's starting to recognize your patterns of behavior and might not be liking what she sees (or thinks she sees). I think you're on a slippery slope and need to be very careful with what you say and do if you want to keep her.

I might just be projecting my own girl troubles on to your situation. All the best Gore man.
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Re: She says drugs and alcohol are more important than her

Post by JokersAce » Sat Feb 04, 2012 7:23 am

I am an advocate of prostitution reform.
When the going gets weird, the werid turn pro.
HOW CAN SO MANY YEARS COME TO PASS WITHOUT ANYONE TELLING ME I SPELLED WEIRD WRONG?

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Re: She says drugs and alcohol are more important than her

Post by omnific.dc » Sat Aug 04, 2012 11:52 am

Take it slow, make it happen.

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Re: She says drugs and alcohol are more important than her

Post by Weedguru_Fire_Inside » Tue Aug 07, 2012 1:16 pm

I expect that this problem has gone away in one way or another, seeing as it was 6 months ago.
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Re: She says drugs and alcohol are more important than her

Post by Ikku » Tue Aug 07, 2012 9:16 pm

Where is Gorecore anyway?
I personally recommend checking oneself for OCD at least once every 5 minutes.

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Re: She says drugs and alcohol are more important than her

Post by omnific.dc » Wed Aug 08, 2012 1:31 am

There is always a lady for you. Apparently, I haven't found any yet..

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