What did the little boy with no arms or legs get for X-mas?

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clashcityrocker
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What did the little boy with no arms or legs get for X-mas?

Post by clashcityrocker » Sat Sep 18, 2004 9:48 am

:!: cancer.

This guy and his co-worker are conversing at the water-cooler. The first guy says "Man, I've been having a lot of Freudian slips lately. Like, today, I was at the train station, and I asked for 2 pickets to Tittsburgh instead of 2 tickets to Pittsburgh."
The other guy says "Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. At breakfast this morning, instead of saying to my wife 'Honey, could you please pass the butter?', I said "You whore! You ruined my life!"

Knock knock
Who's there?
The Police. Your wife just died in a tragic accident. get it?! No?

Two vampires walk into the bar. The bartender says "So I guess you'll both have a mug of blood?"
The first vampire says yes and takes his mug.
The second vampire says "No, I'll just need a glass of hot water."
The bartender seems a little puzzled and asks what he wants it for.
The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm having tea."

Two atoms are walking down the street. One of the atoms says to the other, "D00D I think I just lost an election!" The other resonds, "OMFG are j00 sure?" and the atom goes, "I'm positive!"

:?: What's strong enough for a man, but made for a woman?
:!: The back of my hand

Guy 1: "Hey, do you know what happens when you don't pay your exorcist?"
Guy 2: "No, what happens?"
Guy 1: "You get repossessed! LOLOLOLLOOOOOo!!1one11111!

:?: What do lobsters and babies have in common?
:!: they scream when you cook them

Two muffins are in an oven.
One says, "Wow, it's hot in here..."
The other says, "HOLY **** A TALKING MUFFIN!"

There was a zebra who roamed the savanna for a long time. He was a good zebra who worked hard for his herd, but eventually he died. He'd always had one question on his mind that was never answered by his herdmates, and that was whether he black or white.
When the zebra gets to the pearly gates of heaven, he asks St. Peter.
"St. Peter, this has been bugging me for a while. Am I black, or am I white?"
"Well, I don't know, zebra. It's a bit hard to say. That's a question for God. You can go ask him."
So the zebra walked down the golden streets of heaven toward the great palace of the Lord. When he arrived in the throne room, the zebra kneeled down and said,
"O gracious and mighty Lord, you know everything, and I was wondering if you could answer my question. Am I black, or am I white?"
"Well, I'm unsure," said God. "I really can't answer for you. You are what you are."
The zebra thanked God and walked back down the golden streets with a dejected look on his face. He got back to the pearly gates to talk with St. Peter again.
"Hello zebra! Did you find out what you were looking for?"
"No!" the zebra said. "All God told me was that I am what I am. That's it!"
"That's it?" said St. Peter. "Oh, that's easy, you're white."
The zebra was totally confused at this point.
"WHAT? From that one sentence you can tell if I'm black or white? How the heck can you do that?"
"It's easy," said St. Peter. "If you were black, he would have said, 'You is what you is.'"

Two dwarfs go to a bar and after a few drinks pick up two prostitutes and take them back to there hotel rooms. The first dwarf can't get an erection, his depression is made worse when he hears his friend shouting
"HERE I COME AGAIN.. ONE.. TWO.. THREE... UUH!!" All night long.
In the morning the second dwarf asks the first
"How did it go???""
The First says
"it was so embarassing I couldnt get hard.."
The second shook his head saying
"YOU THINK THAT'S EMBARASSING!! I COULDN'T EVEN GET ON TO THE BED..."

A man is walking along a beach when suddenly he hears a woman crying. He decides to find out what was the matter and followed the sobs until he came to a girl laying on the beach with no arms and no legs. "What is the matter miss?" he asks. The woman struggles for words in between her sobs and says "ive never been hugged before."
Feeling sympathetic the man thinks about it then bends down and gives her a hug. She say thank you and the man starts to walk away. He gets about 10 feet and heres crying again. He turns around walks back and askes her "whats the matter now?" "Well ive never been kissed before either." she says. The man ponders on this for a minute then sympatheticly bends down and german kisses her. She says thank you and the man starts to walk away again when he hears her crying yet again. He asks her what was wrong now. The woman replies, feeling very lucky considering her last two encounters with the man, "Ive never been fucked before. The man ponders on this a little longer then at last bicks the woman up, throws her in the ocean and says "your fucked now bitch!"

thank you and good night!
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Post by Weedguru_Fire_Inside » Sun Sep 19, 2004 10:33 am

All of those sucked balls, apart from the one about the talkin muffin.
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Post by GodHand Kronix » Sun Sep 19, 2004 10:15 pm

Actually, all of those were awesome

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Post by Weedguru Cusmar » Sun Sep 19, 2004 11:09 pm

A_Fire_Inside wrote:All of those sucked balls, apart from the one about the talkin muffin.
ye the complete opposite of wot u said.
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Post by Funk Doctor » Sat Oct 02, 2004 1:33 pm

The last one is a riot :lol:

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What do lobsters and babies have in common?

Post by xhightimes420 » Fri Dec 03, 2004 2:26 pm

LMAO Dead baby jokes are awesome.

:?: Whats white, red, bubly and taps on glass :?:
:!: A baby in a microwave :!:


:?: whats the diference between a plie of dead babies and an 86 chevy :?:
:!: I don't have an 86 chevy in my garage :!:

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Post by canadianbud » Sun Mar 06, 2005 6:49 pm

haha i got some dead baby jokes

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
Depends how hard you throw them.

How do you get a baby out of a blender?
Nachos anyone?

What's the difference between bowling balls and dead babies?
You cant carry bowling balls with a pitchfork.

Whats worse than 3 dead babies in 1 garbage can?
One dead baby in 3 garbage cans

Thats all i can think of right now

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Post by MOT » Thu Mar 17, 2005 11:12 am

those are fuckin sick man
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Post by ErinElizabeth » Thu Mar 17, 2005 12:40 pm

:?: What's red and squirmy and sits in the corner?
:!: Baby with a razor blade.

:?: What's blue and squirmy and sits in a corner?
:!: Baby in a Ziploc.

:?: What's green and lays in the corner?
:!: The same baby 3 weeks later.

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Re: What did the little boy with no arms or legs get for X-m

Post by Midnight Toker » Thu Apr 07, 2005 3:15 pm

clashcityrocker wrote: A man is walking along a beach when suddenly he hears a woman crying. He decides to find out what was the matter and followed the sobs until he came to a girl laying on the beach with no arms and no legs. "What is the matter miss?" he asks. The woman struggles for words in between her sobs and says "ive never been hugged before."
Feeling sympathetic the man thinks about it then bends down and gives her a hug. She say thank you and the man starts to walk away. He gets about 10 feet and heres crying again. He turns around walks back and askes her "whats the matter now?" "Well ive never been kissed before either." she says. The man ponders on this for a minute then sympatheticly bends down and german kisses her. She says thank you and the man starts to walk away again when he hears her crying yet again. He asks her what was wrong now. The woman replies, feeling very lucky considering her last two encounters with the man, "Ive never been fucked before. The man ponders on this a little longer then at last bicks the woman up, throws her in the ocean and says "your fucked now bitch!"

thank you and good night!
That one's fucking classic. A couple made me groan though, like the one about the atom.
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Post by ErinElizabeth » Thu Apr 07, 2005 3:49 pm

Most of these are from an old joke book called "Truly Tasteless Jokes". Is that where everyone here got them?

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Post by Punk Dana » Sat Apr 09, 2005 7:16 am

Dude, I told that vampire/ tampon joke in here earlier.... funny stuff....By the way, I liked the Freudian slip one...

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Post by HuNg_GaR » Tue Nov 08, 2005 4:43 am

Two muffins are in an oven.
One says, "Wow, it's hot in here..."
The other says, "HOLY **** A TALKING MUFFIN!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL

i was so stoned when i read that and i laughed for about 10 minutes[/quote]
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Post by DaemonLee » Thu Nov 10, 2005 5:03 am

Okay,

here we go...


Two muffins are getting cooked in the oven and one turns to the other and says;

"Man, we are sooo baked.."


That's it, folks.
Smoking the Reefah.

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Post by Funk Doctor » Thu Nov 10, 2005 5:44 am

Allow me to make another joke using yours :lol:

Two muffins are getting cooked in the oven and one turns to the other and says;

"Man, we are sooo baked.."

The other muffin jumps up and yells;

"HOLY SHIT! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

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