Death of a loved one

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Weedguru Higher
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Death of a loved one

Post by Weedguru Higher » Wed Jan 12, 2011 10:37 pm

Just wondering if anyone has experience dealing with the death of a close loved one, like a parent?

As you may have read in the random topic, my girlfriend just found out that her Dad had cancer and only has a few years to live at the most.

I'm desperately trying to help her, yet feel so unable to help her as I have not ever experienced death so close to home

Does anyone have any suggestions, or words of sympathy that I can tell her? What is to be said exactly? How can I console her? Wtf am I supposed to do??

How can I help her in her mourning?

Anybody? Somebody?

Please?

:cry:
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Re: Death of a loved one

Post by blackxs » Wed Jan 12, 2011 11:37 pm

Since you havent been in that situation before, dont try to empathize with her - it will just alienate you from her. Just tell her you dont understand what its like but you do know that it must be a terrible thing that she is going through and you will do everything you can to help her through the tough times ahead.
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Re: Death of a loved one

Post by AbbyRoad » Thu Jan 13, 2011 2:42 am

im so sorry to hear about this higher.
ive never had anyone "close" to me die, so cant really give any advice. but i will send good vibrations your way
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Re: Death of a loved one

Post by Weedguru_Fire_Inside » Thu Jan 13, 2011 1:44 pm

blackxs wrote:Since you havent been in that situation before, dont try to empathize with her - it will just alienate you from her. Just tell her you dont understand what its like but you do know that it must be a terrible thing that she is going through and you will do everything you can to help her through the tough times ahead.
(Y)
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Re: Death of a loved one

Post by SpRi7e » Thu Jan 13, 2011 8:54 pm

blackxs wrote:Since you havent been in that situation before, dont try to empathize with her - it will just alienate you from her. Just tell her you dont understand what its like but you do know that it must be a terrible thing that she is going through and you will do everything you can to help her through the tough times ahead.
I completely agree with you... if you try to act like you can relate what she's going through with her and you don't, it'll send out wrong signals to her so to speak. With these things there really isn't a whole lot to do besides help her out with other things that might stress her out and keep letting her know that you're there for her. In time she'll accept the fact that it's happening and learn to cope with it, but it's a HUGE mindset change knowing that someones dad is going to die, so try and help her out with anything she needs, but DON'T act like you know where she's coming from if you don't. At least that's what I would do, even though I haven't had to experience that dreadful day yet..

Sorry to hear about that though, I'm sure it's extremely rough for all of you right now so I hope that helped at least a LITTLE bit
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Re: Death of a loved one

Post by Weedguru Higher » Sat Jan 15, 2011 2:54 am

Thanks guys....

I was drunk when I wrote that, otherwise I prolly never would have.

But my feelings remain the same drunk or not...I just verbalize the feelings more when drunk

but yeah, you guys are spot on...thanks for the words, it's all helpful and reassuring. Although I pretty much already knew what you have said deep down, it feels good to to hear the confirmations of my thoughts.
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Re: Death of a loved one

Post by weedguru_animal » Sat Jan 22, 2011 8:16 am

i am too close to certain, to offer any hope in my realm, that...a brotherly mate of mine, John The Baptist, is now dead. This was/is a man, who dealt in nothing but truth. A poet. A writer. The most openly honest human creature I have ever known...i can't write more, because the story of his life, and the unfair, but still very much fucking HERE, sense of guilt...at leaving his embrace, setting aside his need for my fratellity. I loved that man. Still do. One of the few humans I have met who makes me hope there is a life beyond the flesh...................
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Re: Death of a loved one

Post by Weedguru Higher » Sat Jan 22, 2011 3:30 pm

Whaaat?
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Re: Death of a loved one

Post by weedguru_animal » Sun Jan 23, 2011 2:04 am

My way of saying that i don't yet deal very well with loss of loved ones...other than get sad when i think of them.
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Re: Death of a loved one

Post by AbbyRoad » Sun Jan 23, 2011 8:03 am

my bfs dad passed away when he was 10yr old due to complications with leukemia treatment.
it was really sudden.
his uncle had leukemia and his father was being tested for marrow transplant, which resulted in his own leukemia diagnosis.
the treatment is what killed him 3 months later, not even the cancer.

i was going to ask josh for advice to give you on dealing with the death of a family member but....
he doesnt have any advice to give. he never went to grief counseling. he never dealt with what happened.
his life just went on...as it always will.

in the two years we have been dating we have never went to visit his father, even though ive made it known to him i want to visit the gravesite and tell his father how thanksfull i am that he fathered my love before passing away (im totally crying a lil bit as i write this)
but i try to understand why he either cant or wont visit the gravesite.
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Re: Death of a loved one

Post by weedguru_animal » Sun Jan 23, 2011 10:05 am

the older we get, the more we are forced to deal with, or be savaged by, the increasingly common loss of loved ones...
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Re: Death of a loved one

Post by blackxs » Thu Jan 27, 2011 11:04 pm

Its easier to ignore problems but its always best to confront them
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Re: Death of a loved one

Post by zERo~Chronic » Sun Feb 06, 2011 7:38 pm

When I was 13 my grandmother died, I was very close to her. I spent every weekend with her and she was basicaly a second mom to me. Then one day when me and my mom were on vacation she got a call that my grandma had died. When I first heard the news I was kinda numb to it, I guess from the shock, but eventually broke down, then slowly built myself back up to an understanding that sometimes when people are 88 they die. Once you can accept death as part of life it makes it a little easier.


I don't know if this counts but back in June my dog died. He was my first dog and I got him when I was 11, so I pretty much grew up with him. He lived 9 years. This was very difficult for me because as they say dog is mans best friend. But I had the support of my girl and my good friends and we had a memorial party around his grave that night, which really consoled things for me. Now, 7 months later, I still morn the death of my dog, and often smoke a bowl at his gravesite and look at pictures, but i've accepted it now and moved on.

I don't know if any of this will help anyone but I guess it made me feel better to write it
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Re: Death of a loved one

Post by andriaSRH » Sun Feb 13, 2011 12:42 am

^.^

Thanks for sharing that man.

My bf's dog died two years ago ...he was 13. I've never seen my bf cry so hard. He was devastated. To help him feel better I would reflect with him all the good times they had together. We would talk about him, share stories, laugh and toke up.

The best thing to do is dwell on the good times. Losing someone...does leave a hole in your heart. My Grandpa died around this time last year...I miss him..so much. All I can do is think of the good times..he would want that.

Damnit :<

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Re: Death of a loved one

Post by helenF9867 » Sat Sep 01, 2012 11:50 am

My grandfather died a year ago after being bed ridden for years and it was very hard during the burial but after that, we feel relieved that he won't need to suffer anymore.

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